Estate planning without “I do”: What you need to know

While marriage is common in the U.S. today, many couples choose to remain unmarried partners. However your relationship is structured, it’s important not to overlook the role financial and estate planning plays in your life.

Proper estate planning is vital for anyone who wishes to protect their assets and loved ones. If you are not married, your assets may not transfer the way you intend unless you take steps to ensure your wishes are articulated legally.

First step: Complete your estate plan

Estate plans are important for everyone but are especially important for unmarried couples. If you don't have a will or a trust in place, the general rule is that at your death, assets will pass to your heirs under state law, which usually means your blood relatives. If you intend to leave assets to your partner, you need to take active steps to ensure that your partner is a beneficiary under your estate planning documents.

The two most important estate planning documents are wills and revocable trusts. These documents direct where you want your assets to go at death. Typical assets include real property, personal property, bank accounts, but also artwork, family heirlooms, jewelry, collections. The law considers pets personal property, so your will and trust can indicate who should take care of a pet after you die.

In some states, it can be common to have a will only. In such cases, the will is probated in court and your named executor distributes assets to your beneficiaries. This happens publicly under court supervision. In many states, probate can be a long and expensive process. Many try to avoid the probate process by creating and funding a revocable trust. In that case, instead of an executor overseeing the probate process, the trustee of your revocable trust will be in charge of administering and disposing of your assets according to the terms of your revocable trust.

Update your beneficiary designations

It’s important to remember that certain assets are not covered by your will or revocable trust. You should coordinate beneficiary designations with your estate plan. The two big ones are retirement accounts and life insurance; in those cases, you must indicate your beneficiary to the account administrator or the life insurance company. You want to review your beneficiary designations regularly and update them for major life events like births, deaths, marriages and divorces. Beneficiaries do not have to be family members. They can be neighbors, siblings, partners, close friends. Also, retirement plans can be a great asset to leave to charity. Keep in mind that deferred compensation plans and stock award annuities may also have a beneficiary designation. Often insurance policies, particularly long-term care policies, may request an alternative contact in the event you fail to pay premiums due to disability or other reason to avoid a policy lapse.

Carefully consider how you title your property

For unmarried couples, how you take title to your property can be important because titling can affect what happens to that property at death. There are certain benefits afforded to married partners that are not available for unmarried partners. The best way to title property as unmarried partners depends on your intent.

The two most common ways to jointly hold property if you are not married are as (1) joint tenants with rights of survivorship, or as (2) tenants in common. In a joint tenancy with right of survivorship, when one partner dies, the surviving partner will automatically receive a deceased partner's interest in that property. In a tenancy in common, the interest in that property will pass under that partner’s will when that partner dies; there is no right of survivorship. If you don't have a will, it will pass to your heirs as defined by law. Usually that means your children; if you don't have children, then parents, siblings, and other blood relatives. It's important to know that your partner, if you are not married, is not included in the definition of heirs.

There are many ways to structure a family unit, including polyamorous families. For polyamorous families, titling issues can depend on how the family is structured and the family’s intent. You might add a third or fourth person to the deed, either as an additional joint tenant or a tenant in common. However, if there is a legal marriage in the family, titling becomes trickier and careful planning is needed to ensure that the non-married partners receive an equal share of the property, if that is the intent.

Protect yourself in case of incapacity

If you become incapacitated and do not have certain documents in place, typically state law determines who makes decisions on your behalf. Without documents, most states will only recognize biological relatives and married spouses.

You never want to be in a position where critical health or financial decisions can't be made by your life partner. So, along with a will and a trust, there are two other essential estate planning documents that are important specifically when you're incapacitated. The first is a health care proxy, also known as a medical or health care power of attorney. This names someone to make health care decisions for you if you're unable to.

The other is a durable financial power of attorney, which works like a health care proxy, but for your finances -- you designate an agent to make financial decisions on your behalf if you are incapacitated. Both documents must be put in writing if you want your partner to have a say.

Make arrangements for children or surrogates

It is important to have your estate planning documents define children consistently with your intent and family situation. Some older estate planning documents are limited in how they define non-biological children, so it’s crucial that you discuss your situation and your intent with your estate planning attorney.

This is important when a surrogate or donor is involved. Sometimes other contractual arrangements will define parental rights. It can become complicated when a surrogate or a donor is a close friend or part of the child's life. Or, even if there is no intended relationship with the biological parent, they may have legal rights. It’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page and those intentions are in writing.

The other consideration is a guardianship. Typically, in your will or estate planning documents, you name the guardians of minor children. You need to make sure that the legal documents reflect what everybody wants to occur. This could include biological parents maintaining a role, or it could mean they renounce the rights. It’s a good idea to list the succession of guardians in your documents, so there's no need to sort out who is first or second in line to take care of your children if anything were to happen to you.

Don’t forget about property taxes and deductions

Owning a home has some tax benefits. Currently single filers and married couples filing jointly can deduct the interest on up to $750,000 of their mortgage, if they itemize deductions.

But you must have an interest in the property to take the deduction. If, for example, your partner owns the property, but you pay the mortgage, you can’t take the deduction. If your situation is a little complicated and you want to think through how to take the deduction, work with a good tax advisor, one who has worked in situations like yours.

Take advantage of gifting options 

You can give up to $19,000 (which is the gift tax annual exclusion amount in 2025) to your partner or anyone else each year without having to pay taxes or file a gift tax return. If you're married, you can give your spouse as much as you want without any gift tax consequence. This unlimited marital deduction is unavailable to unmarried couples. However, if you're unmarried and you want to give more than $19,000 a year to your partner, you only have to pay gift taxes if you’ve gifted more than the estate and gift tax exemption amount (which for 2025 is $13.99 million) during your lifetime. If your gift is below this amount, you still need to file a gift tax return, but no tax will be due.

If you have additional questions about your situation, our advisors are always available to help you create a strategy that works for you and your family.